Some people have the ability to put us at ease; we immediately relax in their company and even open up to them in a way that we might not do to anyone else. We are drawn to these people as if by some magnetic force. Harness this type of power and it will help you in every aspect of your business.
What we’re talking about is the ability to communicate well. The primary skill in communication is conversation, so being able to converse easily and effectively is a business skill that is often overlooked. Putting people at ease and being easy to talk to is important for any businessperson, no matter what business they are in.
A conversation requires two things talking and listening. On the face of it, it sounds easy, but there are many ways a simple conversation can alienate the other person if not handled well. On the other hand, if you can develop your skills as a good conversationalist people are far more likely to listen to what you are saying and trust you.
Let’s take a look at listening first, as it is more important than speaking and far more difficult to do for most of us. Take a look at the four ways we listen to people below and think about which category you fall into – be honest.
Listening
1. Non-Listening
Think about all those times you’ve met someone at a networking event and almost immediately tuned them out. Perhaps you are thinking about who else you should be talking to, or perhaps they don’t look like someone you’d be interested in talking to. Whatever the reason, you are nodding and appearing as if you are listening, but in reality you can’t even remember their name.
2. Selective Listening
Our children are often excellent at this, as are customers at times. How often have you had a conversation and provided a person with several pieces of information, some of which is in their best interests and some not. Which do they remember? This is selective listening, and we are all guilty of doing it at times.
3. Attentive Listening
This sounds as if it is a better form of listening, but it’s often a case where you are listening, but really thinking about what it is you want to say, what point you want to make. In this case you are not really listening to the speaker’s point of view.
4. Empathetic Listening
This is where you not only listen attentively, but you ignore everything else and focus on what the person is saying rather than what else is going on around you, or what you would like to say next. In fact, you should be reading between the lines, or rather hearing between the lines, looking for the deeper meaning of what is being said. A skilled empathetic listener also reads the speaker’s body language and “feels” what is being said. Empathetic listening is very hard to master, and takes a great deal of practice, but is well worth the effort if you want to become a people magnet.
Being There Physically and Mentally
One of the most off-putting, not to mention darn right rude things someone can do in a conversation is look around the room, or over your shoulder at what else is going on. You know the scenario, you are telling them something that you feel is important, or perhaps even answering a question they have asked and you see their gaze drift away. Even worse, they may say something like, “Go on, I’m listening” when blatantly they are at best only selectively listening. How does that make you feel? It would appear that what you are saying has little value. The thing is, we are all guilty of this at times, so we have to be careful to actively listen, even if we haven’t completely mastered empathetic listening.
How you can do this is by asking questions to confirm what they are saying, or by making gestures that demonstrate you are listening. Nodding, or shaking your head, and uttering affirmative sounds all show that you are actively listening.
Training Your Memory
The better you concentrate on what people are saying the more likely you are to remember it. In general, people are very impressed when you remember their name, or mention a point they made when you last saw them. Demonstrating that you listened to what they said makes people respect and trust you, and builds strong bonds.
There are many ways to train your memory and many sites on the Internet that can give you memory tricks and strategies. One easy way to remember someone’s name when you first meet them is to say it a few times in the conversation. For instance, “So Betty, what you’re saying is...” or, “That’s a good point Jim...” Once you’ve done this a couple of times the name will almost certainly stick, plus you have demonstrated that you are actively listening.
After the conversation, you can always make a few notes to remind you of key things about the person and what they talked about. This can be very useful at things like Chamber of Commerce networking events where you have a good chance of meeting the same people at every event. This technique is even more important when meeting regular clients, when you can use the points you have recorded to start a conversation by talking about something that is relevant to them.
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If you think about your favourite conversations, you probably remember those where you talked the most, and that’s natural. So, if you want to be a people, or customer magnet be the one that listens the most and you will find people opening up to you and putting their trust in you.
If you are looking for Networking Opportunities to try out these tips, join us for a Prince Albert Business HUB Meeting. You can find the next meet date on our events page.
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